You Can't Force Someone to Heal

Of all the pains, I would argue emotional pain is the worst. I would take physical pain over emotional pain any day. Why? Emotional pain takes the longest to heal. At the rate that some emotional wounds heal, a physical wound on the flesh would have already turned into a scar. All physical wounds heal or you die. But emotional wounds sometimes never heal and we keep bleeding internally. Plugging corks into our orifices to make the bleeding stop or at minimum become a dribble. Healing can be interrupted when the person that has hurt you ignores the pain or worst, attempts to force reconciliation.

I have had instances where someone kept ripping off my bandages through a combination of my own guilt and their manipulation of my guilt. Through a series of dedicated bouts of contemplation, self-examination, reading, and writing. I realized that I was not wrong for needing time to heal. Moreover, I think the most important lesson of my life is that forgiveness and reconciliation are not equivalent. I will repeat that for the person in the back: forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same things. Forgiveness is essentially abandoning anger towards a person and the desire to see that person punished. On the other hand, reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations; a reunion of some sort. Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation, however, it can lead to it. But we are obligated to reconcile.

Many persons who have been hurt reject forgiving those who have caused habitual pain (otherwise known as an abuser) because we believe it means that we will have to resume the relationship from where it left off. And some of us do not desire to resume certain relationships especially abusive relationships that are quite unhealthy for our well-being or even dangerous. If the person that has hurt us has a desire to resume the relationship, they may assume that the desire to not reconcile is a sign that you haven't forgiven them. An important thing to note is that you are not required to forgive the person that has caused you pain but it is something that you should gift yourself with so that you can start healing.

As human beings, we must be cautious of relationships and protect healthy ones at all cost. We must be responsible for our words and actions towards loved ones because there are consequences. There is always a possibility that you might cross boundaries and hurt someone that you love and reconciliation might not be possible or if possible the person will need time to heal. Which may mean no contact with the offender. I would encourage all offenders to not rush this process of healing. Allow that person to lick their wounds. It may take a day, a year, a decade or forever, but an offender does not have the right to rush the healing process because they are the ones that have caused the pain. The victim should not be responsible for the discomfort or the pain that the separation may cause.

Are you currently in the process of healing? How long have you been in that process and how long do you think you will remain? Does force reconciliation start the process of healing all over again?

#Healing #forgiveness #reconciliation